Munich

God and I recently went to see “Munich” together (we’re sort of the Ebert & Roeper of celestial cinema) and frankly we were both a little miffed. Here’s a movie where simply everyone was running around doing my business, Palestinians killing Jews, Jews killing Palestinians, everyone blowing up innocent bystanders left and right, but did I get any credit? Not once! Not a single mention of the old Devil anywhere in the movie. In fact (and this really got to old Yahweh) there wasn’t a single mention of religion in the whole movie. Hardly a yarmulke anywhere to be seen, much less a temple or church.

Now, Steven Spielberg may well feel he’s done his bit for Judaism with “Schindler’s List”, even though it fell into the “Dances With Wolves”/white-man-saves-the-natives category of movies, but a little spiritual dimension to things might have opened this film up a little. For instance, how about a little discussion of Hell as the future of all these murderers? (I do pay for product placement – how do you think they financed “Constantine”, or for that matter most of Keanu Reeves’ movies? – but Dreamworks didn't even ask me. Not even a text message!)

Sure, there’s one little scene where a character discusses his soul, which he describes as being “righteousness”, but even that was James-Frey-like inaccuracy. Everyone knows the soul is made of a lightweight lycra/spandex blend for maximum SNAP when I yank it out! C’mon, people, this is history! Let’s do a little research!

But no, in the end, this wasn’t a story about what murder does to the soul, or how a man despoils the home he’s trying to defend by killing to defend it, or any of those other touchy-feely “moral” themes that the Lord drones on about at Starbucks after the film. It was a story about 5 guys who went out to kill 11 other guys, but only killed 8. That’s a lot of money to spend on a math problem.

So, all in all, God and I give it two thumbs down. (Okay, one thumb and one hoof.) But maybe that’s a point in the film’s favor. After all, if Stevie can make a movie so bad that even God and I can agree about it, maybe he can get the Israelis and the Palestinians to the bargaining table!