KING KONG It’s possible to see “King Kong” as simply a mindless remake of the 1933 classic with Andy Serkis in the role of Willis O’Brien’s foot-high monkey and that “Mulholland Drive” chick in the role of the Barbie doll. But as much as I can enjoy the post-modern racial simplicity of violent native darkies on tropical islands (in Singapore?), I still smelled a metaphor in there under all the “Jurassic Park” outtakes. My theory is that Kong represents God, locked away as he has been behind the hundred-foot-high wall of moral relativism, a curious artifact kept safely in our group subconscious along with the dinosaurs and creepy-crawly things that used to live under our beds as children. (Well, actually, I used to find angels under my bed – singing that heavenly choir stuff in the middle of the night – scared the crap out of me.) And who goes in to find this forgotten God, and bring him out into the modern world? Is it a priest, seeking a renaissance of faith? Nay, says Mr. Ed. It is nothing less than Commerce, which sees the economic potential in returning a sense of “awe and mystery” to the empty and humdrum lives of, um, very rich people, who are apparently unaffected by all that “Depression” stuff we saw in the montage at the beginning. Now far be it from me to criticize anyone who’s found a way to make a buck in this world -– in fact, the more ill the intent, the better I like it. So bring on the televangelists and the $14.95 bobbling-Jesus-head dolls, available only through this exclusive TV offer! But once we get God up on the stage, ready for inspirational display, what happens? Chaos. He gets all worked up, smites an entire city (New York standing in for Sodom, or possibly Gomorrah – I never could tell them apart) and climbs back up to Heaven, once again leaving the human race to stew in its own solipsistic juices. Of course, this time we shoot Him down. But hey, we’re talking about God here. He specializes in sequels! And I’ll be first in line with my Jesus doll (two for $25!).